SILENCE PRODUCING PEACE

Today I sat outside with my dogs in the bitter 10 degree weather. I sat in awe. We had just gone for a mile jog on this lovely Sunday afternoon and we all were breathing heavily. Well, actually they were panting loudly as dogs do with their tongues hanging out and I was trying to catch my breath with my tongue tightly tucked inside my mouth for fear of frostbite. haha. All was silent as we sat in the snow. Occasionally we would hear the sound of a pheasant crowing to his feathery friends. Still, in the midst of the country air all was still. With the sun shining down and a freezing breeze blowing by, it was a calming relaxing silence.

The silence made me think. I had unofficially moved back home last Christmas. And as I was processing all the events that have happened in my life this past year I was trying to think of one word or phrase that described the year 2015. SILENCE. Yes, silence is what could sum it all up I thought to myself. Yet, in the silence I have found peace. I proceeded to think and came up with the phrase, "Silence producing peace." That is it I thought, silence has produced peace in my life this year.

Silence came through change. While peace was found in the silence of that change.

Change is something that most people have to adjust to. I don't think I've ever met a person who relishes the thought of change. I like to pride myself by thinking that I do pretty well with change. But honestly I struggle with it just like you.

I've gone through a lot of change. And although it has not always been fun, I have grown from change.

For the past 8 years I have moved a lot, from two college dormitories to two apartments. I used to enjoy the new exciting times of moving day and decorating my new place. But last year, when I moved to South Dakota, change and moving back in with my parents was hard and quiet an adjustment. Don't get me wrong. I love my parents. But moving in with them has not always been easy. (For what person who lives with their parents doesn't get treated like a child at times.) Moving away from my close friends and the Reynolds was also hard. (I have been through so much with them that it was difficult to say goodbye.) Moving away from the life I had built in KC for 8 years was saddening. But change is not always bad.

I experienced a new change in South Dakota, one that I never expected.

And no it's not a boy. Gosh, get out of la-la land. haha.

This new change I experienced was silence. I mean that in so many different ways too:

• Silence that silenced my talkative self. Creating a quite heart seeking after God.
• Silence that made me think that God was being silent. Yet, in the silence I have come to find fulfilling peace in my life through Him.
• Through the silence brought new passions.
• Through the silence showed me how blessed I am with the friendships I do have. For they would go out of their way to break my silence into laughter, prayers, and encouragement.
• Through the silence God gave me answers to what illness plagued my body.
• Through the silence I was asked to work as a Med Aide at an Assisted Living Home in my hometown.
• Through the silence God helped me pass the 20 tests it took to become a Med Aide.
• And through the silence I have found many books encouraging my walk with God. Books such as 2 Corinthians, Kisses for Katie by Katie Davis, Anything by Jennie Allen, Surprised by Joy by C.S, Lewis, and Fervent by Priscilla Shirer.

Silence is not a bad thing but it has been a struggle for me to accept the silence and find the peace that came alongside it.

As I sit here in my room writing about silence I laugh to myself because all is quiet. Literally, the house is silent, although I hear the faint howl of the coyotes as the darkness of night comes upon us. Spiritually my heart is grateful. Although change has brought this silence, I have found joy this year in the silence.

Now if you have been reading this and have been thinking to yourself, "poor Katie." I say to you, do not feel bad for me in my silence. Because through the silence I have heard God speak, I have seen God work, and I have found peace in my God through silence. I hope that you too can come to enjoy the quiet and silence of life and that it brings you peace. For it is not a bad thing to be still and silent. In the silence the Lord has brought peace in the midst of all my changes. I am content.

I feel extremely blessed!

I feel completely calm!

I feel truly thankful!

And I feel at peace where God has me!

God is good!

May you find rest, peace, and love this Christmas from the one and only Savior, Jesus Christ!

Much love and Merry Christmas!

WHAT IS FIBROMYALGIA?

WHAT IS FIBROMYALGIA?

The definition is: Chronic widespread pain, fatigue, un-refreshed sleep, cognitive and affective complains. (Taken from Mayo Clinic Fibro class).

There is no known cause for Fibromyalgia. Some people get it while others do not. Researchers have found that many of those with Fibromyalgia have gone through an intense trauma. It is also found that Fibromyalgia hits people that are perfectionists, go-getters, and caregivers.  Why these types of people? Because these people push themselves and do not know how to take care of their own bodies.

Stress is a big factor in Fibromyalgia. Think of a pulse rate chart. A normal person’s stress is pulsed up and down sometimes more up and sometimes more down. A Fibromyalgia person who has the same stress responds always above and sometimes beyond the normal persons pulse rate. Always higher and higher. (This does not mean that people with Fibromyalgia are weaker, by no means. People with Fibromyalgia are more than likely clueless as to how to rest, relax, and take care of their own bodies.) Stress will signal the physical, emotional, cognitive, and behavior aspects of a person. If a fibromyalgia person’s stress is extremely high it will affect what they think, say, and even do.

It is interesting to note that much of this stress plays a big part in the brain. There is a chemical imbalance in the brain that is causing the body to feel pain or even stressed. During our class at Mayo they used an example of someone pricking their finger with a needle. A normal person will feel that pain but then the pain will go away after a few seconds. For a fibromyalgia person when they prick their finger the pain will double and they will feel as if the needle went straight through the finger. There is something in our brain cells imbalanced, a message is being sent to our bodies even though it may not be the right message.

The brain is an interesting thing.

For example: Remember when you first started driving? All those things you learned in Drivers Ed would come running through your mind as you stopped, turned, and looked at all those road signs. The more you drove the easier it became. It eventually became a habit, something you just did and did not have to think about. When a person stops driving for a long period in time they will find that it is hard to remember how to drive. For when a person stops using parts of their brain the brain takes that as a sign that that part of the brain is not needed to work.  

Weird huh? So when I stop using the learning and action part of my brain, it, in a sense goes on strike. For when one tries to learn something, they find it very difficult because they haven’t used that part of their brain in a long time. That is why for many fibromyalgia patients they struggle with getting back to a new norm. They have lived life in a survival mode, a flight or fight expectancy. Especially for those with fibromyalgia that have spent days and years going to doctors and lying in bed all day. Those patients struggle to jump back into a new norm of life.

That is why moderation is a big key aspect into the life of a fibromyalgia person getting better. It is also why doctors have created a self-management tool chart to help people get back to a normal lifestyle.

What are the self management tools?

Imagine a pie chart. A pie chart cut into 14 pieces. Each piece is significant into helping a person get back to a new norm. With each piece taken in moderation, a person will overcome the life that they live now. (Even if you are reading this and do not have fibromyalgia or an illness. These things are good for a healthy human’s soul.)

The pieces of the pie are:

~Positive Thinking

~ Decreased symptom Focus

~Relaxation

~Stress Management

~Moderation

~Time Management

~Nutrition

~Exercise

~Spirituality

~Leisure/Fun

~Humor

~Socialization

~Communication

~Sleep Hygiene

All of these need to be a part of a person’s life, even healthy people struggle with at least a few of these. Those with fibromyalgia struggle the most with sleep, relaxation, and stress.

Stress is another factor but to keep this blog short I will just say that the two things that will help are Gentle Yoga and Tai Chi Qugong. These are relaxation techniques to help a person become less stressed. Deep breathing is an important element in reducing stress. 

They say that medication helps with the pain for fibromyalgia as well. But the nurses and doctors at Mayo encouraged us to try the Self-Management Tools and not go on medication if possible.

So here it is. Some of the main things I learned at Mayo Clinic that I hope may be helpful for you!

If you are a fibromyalgia patient, I hope you are able to overcome and work hard to get back to a new norm.

If you are reading this knowing nothing about fibromyalgia I hope you were able to learn something.

 Take note: For family and friends that know someone with fibromyalgia. Please, help your friend and loved one. Do the self management tools alongside them. Encourage them. Don’t ask how they are feeling; instead ask how you can pray for them or how you can help them that day. This is the most beneficial way to help those with fibromyalgia.  

God bless you and remember God is good, all the time!

Much love to all who read!

*All helpful information was taken from my class at Mayo Clinic. J

LEARNING HOW TO LIVE AGAIN

LIVING

I have heard how people have gone through traumatic experiences and had to re-learn how to sit up, stand up, and even walk again. So bear with me but I never imagined having to learn how to live again. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been breathing, eating, sleeping, thinking, and moving my arms and legs just like you. Something has changed though. I finally have an answer for what illness plagues my body. Through knowledge of this illness I am able to get back into a new norm in life. This new norm may not be anything like my life 3 years ago, but I will go back to a life of thinking, speaking and living life again. You see, there have been days upon days the past few years where I felt extremely ill with no plausible reason why. I have had to lie in bed and do nothing. I have suffered from intense pain. And I have felt stuck not knowing what to think, say, or even know what to do next. God is good and by His grace He has provided His wisdom with good doctors to find what is wrong with me.

I finally have an answer; I finally know what my illness is…

I have been diagnosed with Chronic Migraines and Fibromyalgia.

As for the migraines, I have been treated for the past three years for my migraines but my whole head continued to hurt. Even if the pain was lessoned with medication it still hurt. The MRI’s showed that nothing was wrong and so I continued to wonder what was going on and what caused my never ending 24/7 headache.

 I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia two weeks ago while at Mayo Clinic. My first thoughts when being told I had fibromyalgia was relief and discouragement. For although I had been given a diagnosis everything I had been told about fibromyalgia by my doctors in KC was that you never got better. I even knew different people who had fibromyalgia and they never seemed to get better. Although thankful that I did not have anything worse such as cancer, MS, or even death; I was discouraged that I would never get better. Such was not the case! I went to a class for fibromyalgia patients at Mayo Clinic and received training on how to cope with fibromyalgia and get back to a normal life!

Through less than two days I was being taught what Fibromyalgia was and how through Self-Management Tools I would get better. You can imagine what a relief it was to hear that I could get back to a normal life with this illness called Fibromyalgia.

I have continued to say God is good and He truly is, because He continues to show me how good He is!

So today I find myself very encouraged. I am working at getting back to a normal lifestyle. I am on a migraine medication to help with the chronic headaches. I have set goals, moderation, and the self-management tools into action. I have become gluten free. I have become an exercise machine. And most of all I have found hope again. For as I said at the beginning, I have an answer with knowledge as to how to get back to a normal life and start living again!

MY 3 YEAR TIMETABLE

Over the past 3 years I have been tested for fibromyalgia, lymes disease, migraines, iron deficiency, vitamin deficiencies, muscular dystrophy, arthritis, diabetes, and brain tumors. My major symptoms included: Chronic fatigue; chronic migraines; chronic pain all over, but especially my head, neck, and shoulders; and dizziness. I was found to have low iron, low B12, low D3, and migraines. But every time I got tests done the doctors would tell me nothing was wrong, that I had a healthy body. You can imagine my surprise when I was told I had fibromyalgia.

Over the past three years I know my life has been full of traumatic events. The first year and at the start of my illness, I almost stopped breathing due to living in a moldy apartment. During that year I continued to have health problems which continue to increase. The second year my fiancé’ died, I graduated with my undergrad, and I moved into my first place. All of this in less than a month’s time. The third year I had a bad dizzy spell at work having to resign and move from Kansas City to South Dakota.

Although I have seen other people’s lives way worse than my own, these past few years have been rough for me. But no matter how bad it has gotten I continue to turn to God. For He is good, patient, loving, forgiving, and caring. Over and over again when something traumatic would come my way I would run into my Saviors arms. For He is the only one with the answers. I can’t imagine not running to God through these tough times. As Stephen I started saying and believing at the beginning of it all, “God is good, all the time, and all the time, God is good!”

For those wondering what fibromyalgia is and what those self-management tools are check out my next blog post!

As always, much love to all who read!

WANDER IN WONDER

I thought it was about time I shared one of my spoken words with you. I don't have a video of myself, so you will have to make do just reading my poem. Enjoy and keep on striving after the King!

Wander in Wonder

My thoughts have overtaken me, 

I begin to wonder. 

I wander in my wonder.

I even ponder in my plundered mind.

The thoughts keep rolling, the emotions are overpowering.

Some days I sit and think, and then I cry.

I cry because I remember the good times of the past, 

I cry because I live life in physical pain, 

I cry because I am humbled.

This is my life now and it's ok.

I remember a time when life was "good," 

I would run around, do anything I wanted, and explore the world,

Happy to do anything I could.

A time came when reality checked in my life,

Then came the four letter word, LOSS.

Losses came into my life like tumbleweed, it rolled around and around whichever way it pleased.

At first I didn't think I had asked for it, but honestly, I did!

And on the hardest of days of loss, I asked the Lord to take it away.

But He said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness."

Humbled again and again I would come to the cross, thankful for my losses because I knew,

This was making me striving after the King!

So, I ponder, I ponder in my plundered emotions that are so overpowering,

I wander in my wonder too.

I ask the Lord so many questions, questions that only He can give an answer too.

Every day I sit in awe of God...wondering, pondering, thinking, wanting to know more of God.

I tear up wondering, "Will the pain ever go away?"

Then I ponder, "If the pain went away, would I be as hungry for God as I am?"

I then think, "I really don't have an answer, but I am content with where God has me."

Because as I wonder in my wander,

And I ponder in my pondered mind, 

I think, "I am loved, I have the joy of the Lord, and He is my strength!"

SPIRITUAL WARFARE

Spiritual warfare is something we do not usually think about. I mean, when something goes wrong you usually find yourself playing the "blame game" not thinking your in a spiritual war.

Now don't roll your eyes, I'm serious!

Satan is out their! The bible says that Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy. (John 10:10) This is exactly what he does!

But...we don't really think about how Satan tries to get into our life., how he tempts us in the most simple of ways. C.S. Lewis wrote a book called the Screw Tape Letters. The book is written to make you think about Satan and his demons at work in a person's every day life.

Recently, I have been feeling a lot of spiritual warfare. Here are just a few examples of Satan at work in my life. (Maybe you can relate or you may find that you have your own list.)
~he tells me I'm not good enough, not good enough to work a 40 hour job
~he tells me I have no friends, even if I just got done catching up with one
~he tells me I'm worthless, even though Jesus died for me
~he tells me I am not loved, even though God loves me
~he tempts me with distractions when seeking the Lord, so that even if I read my bible I struggle paying attention to what I am reading
~he does all sorts of things to try and make me stray away from God

This past year has had its own challenges. But the one thing that I struggle with the most is being content with where God has me. When I start to feel content, soon after Satan's lies begin to come upon me.

 I have learned a lot about myself from being ill.

I love people and I love serving people. Before I got sick I was like the energizer bunny who never stopped loving and serving. From community service projects to spending time with people I loved it all. But over the past three years I have had to step away from "going, going, going" and instead started to just "being."

What do I mean by "being?" I learned that being and doing are two different things, yet both important. Instead of cleaning peoples houses I started being a faithful prayer warrior. Instead of outings with people, I started "being" an encouragement through letter writing.

Satan has his ways and I struggle to find hope and joy in my circumstances. The past year I have struggled with an intense pain that goes throughout my entire body. Looking at me you would never know. I have a smile on my face and I push myself to do things even if it hurts. If I don't think about the pain is not so bad. For the past year I have woken up and decided to think of good things. "God is good," I wake up saying. Even if it's as simple as saying, thank you God for a soft bed and a heated house, I find something to give me positive thinking. Because in the midst of a trial, I find myself wanting to complain. But I'm learning, to count those blessings instead of complain.

I was talking with my dear friend Carolyn recently and she asked me how I was feeling. I told her that the pain has been worse recently. Carolyn's response was, "Do you think it is spiritual warfare?"

Up to that point I had not thought about my recent pain being in the battle lines of Satan. I have always viewed my illness as a gift from God that humbles me and teaches me. I find that I easily forget about the spiritual battle between Satan and God. I forget Satan is doing everything in his power to destroy me.

Since my conversation with Carolyn, I've been thinking a lot about spiritual warfare and how to fight back! I have also talked to two other friends who have made comments of spiritual warfare in their lives as well.

That battle is real!

I wonder now, if this pain is really of Satan, what am I going to do about it? If my feeling worthless is caused from Satan's lies what do I do?

I fight! I fight and seek the scriptures for truth!

I will praise Jesus through pain, toil, or death!
I will find worth in my Lord Jesus Christ!
I will fight the good fight in order to glorify God and share the good news.

If you are feeling spiritual warfare attacks, don't give up and fight back with the truths of scripture!

Satan is real.
God is real.
Yet God is more powerful!

MISSING STEPHEN, BAD LUCK, AND CHOOSING GRACE

For the past month I have been missing Stephen. So many good memories run through my mind as I think about our friendship and love. I find myself missing his hearty charming laugh that rang loud for all to hear. I miss putting my small hand in his large one. I miss romantic dates and always having somebody to go places with. Recently, most of all, I have missed our talks.

Maybe you know the kind of talks I’m talking about. The ones where he challenged me to be more like Jesus when I was complaining. Talks about the things God was pruning and teaching us as a couple. Talks about our love for people and passion to serve God. Most of all, I miss, the talks that lasted late into the night, the prayers and the early wake up calls to simply say, “God is good, have a good day.”

You know Stephen wasn’t just my friend, he wasn’t just my fiancé, he was also my caretaker along with two of my best friends from college. Stephen carried me to doctor appointments. He prayed for me during those visit. He fed me. He did so much for me. And sometimes I wish he were still alive to see the improvements I have made with Christ’s help. Through it all he was my confident and someone I could always rely upon.

Our talks were good and bad. I loved him and he loved me. I trusted him and he trusted me. But most of all we never stopped challenging the other person for the better. I simply just miss my friend.

Although I miss Stephen I know I will see him again. I always end a thought by smiling because my memories of him are something I will always cherish! And the saying “God is good” continues to flow out of my mouth because of God’s goodness.

As for the “bad luck” in my life…

I went to the dentist last week for my yearly cleaning and exam with the dentist. At the end of my visit the dentist came in to talk to me. He looked at me and said, “I’m so sorry you’ve had such bad luck.”

Why bad luck?

Flashing back to a year ago

I had a bad tooth while living in Kansas City. It hurt immensely and so I went to a dentist in K.C. The dentist sent me to a root canal specialist to get a root canal done. During the procedure the specialist cracked my tooth unbeknown to either of us. A crown was put on top and I went on happily for about 6 months. Christmas time is when my tooth started hurting and my gums around it started to get swollen. I moved back to South Dakota and went to our family dentist. He told me I had to get it pulled. So I got the root canal tooth pulled and now have to get a bone graph tooth put in. The dentist and specialist in K.C. won’t admit to any wrong doing. Therefore my family dentist, who is a good moral man, was telling me that I have “bad luck.”

When the dentist told me of my misfortune and bad luck, I thought to myself, I better not tell him about living in a moldy apartment and it causing all my major health problems. I also better not tell him that my fiancé died due to a surprise heart attack.

I looked at the dentist and said, “God’s grace. God’s provided everything I need.” I smiled as I told the dentist of my gracious God even if the people around me are not. He looked at me and said, “People like that in the world should know better and do better!”

As much as I do agree with the dentist that people should treat others better than themselves it doesn’t happen very often. Good people and bad people a like act selfishly in order to profit themselves instead of help someone they may have hurt. The Bible even speaks of this. (James 4:17, Romans 7:15-22, 1 Timothy 6:10, John 3:19-21 and Colossians 3:17 for a few examples.) In all these verses they tell us to do good, to love others, and to follow Gods direction. It is easy for all people to be found selfish at some point in their life.

How are we to respond? How am I to respond?

GRACE AND LOVE WITH A BIT OF HUMILITY

Don’t get me wrong there are days where I wake up and just ask God why? Why is it so hard for us humans to own up to our mistakes? Why is it so hard to admit we were wrong? And most of all why is it so hard to say, “I’M SORRY”?

Because we live in a sinful selfish world. Over and over again Jesus tells us to give up all we have and follow Him. He doesn’t say believe in me and keep your selfishness. NO WAY! He tells us to admit we need Him, repent of all our sin including selfishness, and follow Him! Even those who do believe and follow God, daily mess up and have to ask for forgiveness.

So where does that leave me and my thoughts on family, friendships, spiritual leaders, doctors, and even the bad luck dentist in KC who have sinned against me in selfishness? You know who I’m talking about? The people in your life who have hurt you and wronged you. What are you to say to them?

Can you really say, “I forgive you”? Can you really say, “I love you”?

It’s ok if you can’t right now. It has taken me awhile to forgive certain individuals in my life. But I truly hope that you can learn to forgive and love those who have done you wrong. I hope that you are willing to be humbled by the Lord to show grace to those who don’t deserve it.

As for me, if I ever talk to the dentist of K.C. again I wish to show them grace. The same way that Jesus showed me grace when he died for my sins. I hope to tell them I forgive them. Even if I never hear an “I’m sorry” I hope and pray I will keep grace and love flowing through me.

I don’t believe in bad luck.

Through all my circumstances in life in the past three years, God has been good. Through my illness, through Stephen’s death, and through this tooth that will cost me $5,000, God is good. I believe that through hardships my faith grows even stronger. So like Paul, (2 Corinthians 10) if I am to boast about anything, it will be about the things God has taught me through my hardships!

Much love to all who read!

"Secrets"

I have not been blogging much recently. I feel like I have so much to tell you. I have "secret's" to share of what God is doing in my life that sometimes I find it hard to put words to such important people and special events that have happened in my life.

SO here you go. Welcome to my life this summer!

Recently I have been very encouraged and my heart is full of gladness. This all happened when I went to Mayo Clinic. Many wise doctors did tests on me to figure out what is going on. They ruled out many things and found a few things wrong. Migraine's and lack of salt in my diet is half of what is wrong with me. The other half is unknown so I will be receiving more tests.

What is so encouraging about my news? That there is nothing worse going on in my body. Being sick for so long has been hard to refrain from thinking the worst. Another thing that is very encouraging is that I was given a depression and anxiety test. Most doctors assume I am depressed or had anxiety issues. Sometimes I did wonder myself if I was depressed because many people thought I was. I am glad my faith in God is what makes me string. I believe the only thing I struggle with is being discouraged at times and questioning the Lord's goodness when things aren't going my way. I am happy to say I have a relationship with God who knows my every care and weakness.

This summer I was in one of my best friend from high schools wedding. What is so special about Steph's wedding?

Two things:

First is that if your able to stay friends with someone over a long period of time and be able to go to their wedding is a blessing. Although we hadn't talked much since Stephen died. The ability to be in Steph's wedding made me glad to be able to celebrate more with her and the rest of the wedding party!

Second, this was the first wedding I was in since Stephen died. Living in Kansas City I always had a great support system. Wherever I went or looked there were friends encouraging me and supporting me .At Steph's wedding, Steph was the only person who knew my deep hardships of loss. Although most of the wedding party new my story they hadn't lived through the hard days of grief with me. The bridal part was very encouraging. In my mind I wanted to celebrate with the bride and groom and not take part in another chapter of grief. Throughout the day of the wedding I tried to hide me grief. I had an hour to myself before the wedding started. I went off by myself and sat down. I started to pray and cried some tears of loss. This was a great thing for me because although I was happy for my friend I needed to go through this part of the grieving process. If it did not happen in Steph's wedding it would have happened in the next. After a little while I rejoined the wedding party to partake in the wedding ceremony and celebration. It was a glorious time and the thought of grief and loss was nowhere to be found the rest of the day. I was able to enjoy my friend's big day. I realized that day, that I need to welcome the times of grief even now. Even after two years. As long as I grieve when I need and continue the life God has set before me there is no reason to cry and laugh in the same day.

So many people don't deal with their emotions that they suppress them. If you suppress hard times you will find yourself overcome and may even "blow up" unable to handle any more life events.

Want to know another secret?

I absolutely dislike people asking what I do with my day and if I have a boyfriend.

Why?

For some odd reason I find it embarrassing and sometimes humiliating to talk to people and not have a life all put together. Most people my age have a dream job and are married with at least one kid. Or so my mind it tempted to think. This of course is not true. Because I lack an "awesome" job and have no boyfriend I am told by the world that I am incomplete.

But...I am truly blessed and thankful for the jobs I do have.

As for the word boyfriend...

All summer long I have been asked by doctors, town's people, friends of the family, and strangers if I have a boyfriend. Most of the time I stuff back the tears and tell people that I was engaged but he is in Heaven with God now. Whoever hears those words are shocked and tell me how greatly sorry they are and then ask for further details. I usually don't cry when asked, but when I leave the conversation I take a deep breath to shed a few tears. For the next few days after those conversations I cannot help but think about Stephen. He was such a special man. I find myself missing his hearty loud laugh and encouraging words as he shared a bible verse that spoke to him that day.

I do have thoughts at times about marrying someone other than Stephen. I imagine going to the alter with another man that I have found to love and suddenly burst into tears because I an not marrying Stephen. As graphic as it sounds to me and maybe to you, this is the reality of my thoughts of dating at the moment.

I am thankful for the continuing love, grace, and comfort of God.

Lastly I want to talk about the secret in some really good friendships that God has allowed me to be a part of. God has brought many amazing, talented, quirky, loving, and good people into my life. I am blessed to call these people my friends.

Today though, I wish to boast in my good God and the ways my friends serve Him! Weather in full time ministry serving God or through every day jobs I am so proud to call these people my friends.

I have to start with my high school friends. I was a part of Child Evangelism Fellowship with some really amazing people. My three good friends I made were Stephanie, Jasmine, and Allison. We all had a heart to help people and share the gospel with children. Even to this day they still have a heart to help those in need. I am proud to call them my friends!

I have many friends in church or young adult ministry. I see their heart to serve the Lord and willingness to be a friend and mentor to someone younger or their age. Stephen, Carolyn, Daniel, Levi, Mo, Abby, Josh, Bekah, Lexi, Nathan, Jonathan, Jon, Tiffany, Brandon, Josh, Kevin, Sarah, and others, thank you for allowing God to use you. May God continue to bless you, grow you, and mature you!

To those with the everyday jobs and to those stay at home mom's, your ministry is just as important as those in full time ministry. May God renew a steadfast spirit in you for feeling worthless at times. May joy and laughter shine through you as people see your life in Christ. And may you be glad in the job set before you! To Ruth, Allison, Nate, Jill, Jered, Brenton, Bekah, Jill, Elise, Troy, Briana, Aundra, Melissa, Jon, Justin, Kyle, Joel, Sarah, Gabby, Miranda, Nichole, Angela, Anna, and soo many others, God bless you!

Lastly, I wish to talk about a ministry that just started less than a year ago. My friends Joel, Troy, and Daniel started a podcast ministry. The ministry is called Refined Thoughts. If you have not heard of them I encourage you to go on iTunes and check them out (for free). I hope you find excitement and joy for young people who have started their own ministry in order to glorify God. These guys started their ministry after graduating from Bible College and are using their knowledge they were given to serve God. Now isn't that amazing. To start your own ministry in serving God where they are able to reach out and speak truth to people. May God bless your ministry my friends!

Anyone I know who is living out their faith, I cannot help but smile. You encourage me! May God refresh your heart and bring new growth into your life. The secret in my friends I talked about is that they have faith in God and are living it out!

There you go. My journey and secrets in life. It really is hard to verbalize and process one's life and emotions. You try it! To process things in your life and to share with people the blessings that God has placed in your life! I hope you do! At least to share one good thing God has done in your life this summer with the people around you!

God bless you all!

ENJOYING LIFE TO IT'S FULLEST!

While a sophomore in college my R.A. lead a Monday night bible study. On one particular night she asked us to write a letter to ourselves that we were to read a few months later. The purpose was to write something we were going through and had learned. As I wrote I never imagined reading it 5 years later. Surprisingly it meant so much to me then as it does now.

I wrote about the gem in finding good friendships as well as viewing everyday a gift from God. At the end of the letter I had written, “Enjoy life Katie, but enjoy it doing the will of God and being a good example.” At the age of 21 God had brought me to this realization that I would remember, struggle to remember, and see this truth for the rest of my life. That God’s will is better than my own. It is so cool to see how my life was to how it is in the present. I have grown so much in the past 5 years.

Somehow in the midst of trials these past few years I have struggled to enjoy life. Now if you are going to tell me that I deserve to be upset because of everything I have been through, thanks but don’t say that. You see ALL of us have gone through different struggles, trials, and temptations. I believe that no life is perfect. To those that have the so called “easy trials” I congratulate you. But to those who have gone through “hell” I tell you that God always gives us what we can handle (I Corinthians 10:13)! I struggled and still do at times, to enjoy the life set before me.

The struggle is real. I would sometime here Stephen say this exact thing. Now for him he usually said this in meaning to his sexual desires that men struggle with for women. But there were many times when he would say it in a different context. That it was a struggle to enjoy life when it was hard. For me and maybe you, it is a struggle to enjoy life when things aren’t going our way. There was a time I thought that being sick was best for my life because it brought me closer to God. I was wrong to want to be sick. You see God hates to see his children suffer. He does want a close relationship with me, yet, He doesn’t like to see me like this. And honestly if I was to suffer for Christ and be bed ridden for the rest of my life then great. I believe, though, that God does things for his glory. I believe he is going to heal me. That might not mean I will go back to 100% but it does mean this time of life is not going to continue forever. New joys will and do come my way every day.

I continually choose to remember how blessed I am daily.   

I still enjoy life but because of the changes I’ve gone through I can’t go back to who I was. I used to enjoy being in a group with all my friends laughing about ridiculous things. Now I find myself enjoying a deep conversation with a close friend. I’m always going to be changing. And well honestly we all are changing. What we were a year ago we have changed at least a little. We are human, we learn something new every day and we make changes to our lives with the things that we learn. Sometimes we use our knowledge for good and sometime it becomes a clutch in our lives. Still, we are constantly learning.

I’m thankful for change and I’m thankful to learn.

If I could sum up my life right now in one word I would have to say humbled. Things don’t always turn out as we always wished, but I do enjoy seeing the beauty of life no matter what happens.

So this is my life.

This is why I am blessed and God is good:

I am a child of God.

I went to college and made many good friendships.

I graduated from college with a degree in Advanced Biblical Studies and Biblical Counseling.

I like to laugh and I like to cry.

I am reminded that I am still in a time of mourning of sickness and death.

I love Stephen Reynolds and always will.

I believe my future husband will understand my blessings of losses.

I love nature and animals.

I love sunrises and sunsets.

I lived in Kansas City for 7 years then recently moved back to South Dakota where I grew up.

I live with my parents on their ranch.

I have no job besides odd jobs.
 Instead, I sleep a lot and go to doctors. 

I hope to get a job as soon as I start to feel better.

I love to read and write.

I love my family and friends and would do anything for them.

I want to honor God with all my life.

Most of all, I love my God and enjoying seeing a glimpse of his sovereignty in my life.

God is good even in our struggles!

The Beginning of my Story

I believe that three simple words can sum up my life. But will you really understand the meaning to my life? Maybe that’s only between me and the Lord. But, let me start out by writing those three simple words: God is good!

Looking back, growing up, I took everything for granted; my good health, the people around me, my jobs. I expected to be married by 22. I thought I would never get sick besides colds and the occasional stomach bug. I thought my best friend in high school would stay my best friend. I thought I would always have a job to provide for my needs. Even a few years ago, three to be exact, I still took the life I lived for granted.

Something changed though three years ago.

It was God and I give Him all the glory. Because without Him, I wouldn’t see the way I see now.

Three years ago, the things I took for granted slowly started to turn upside down… let me start at the beginning.  

I was sitting on my hand-me-down couch in my apartment. It was night time and humidity hung in the air. As I sat, I started to find it hard to breathe and the humidity that hung in the air did not seem to help my case. I took a drink of water hoping that I’d feel better, only to see that it did not work. Grabbing for my asthma medicine, I took a whiff of the inhaler. Even the inhaler didn’t seem to help. Fresh air should help, was my next great thought. I took a step outside to find that I was mistaken. As I walked back inside I felt the air start to lessen. Oh Lord help me, was my next thought and cry. I made my way to lie down on the couch and as I laid my head on a soft pillow the air continued to slow within my chest. I sent out a few texts to some friends who were EMT’s asking for their wisdom in the matter. They all responded to call an ambulance. I was stubborn and thought this feeling would pass, therefore not calling for help. I then remember becoming unconscious and talking to God. He told me that I had 5 minutes to live. That seemed to scare me and I asked for more time. Last thing I remember is God saying he had everything in control.

During those 5 minutes an ambulance arrived. I went through many oxygen tanks before we even headed for the hospital. As oxygen soared within me at the hospital I started to regain consciousness. A doctor came in. Said a few things then left. Then a nurse came in and asked if I had been around mold. I told her that there was lots of black mold climbing the walls of my apartment bathroom and sink. I had thought nothing of it because mold is everywhere. Although the apartment wasn’t the nicest I didn’t think it would bother me. I was then told to move out of the apartment.

Thus, it started a long list of health problems that I have to this day.

The story doesn’t end here...

This story would not be such a blessing from God if I didn’t talk about one man…his name is Steve.

Steve Reynolds the man I dated through it all. He was kind, caring, passionate about serving and loving me, and took me to many doctors appointments. He cried with me when things were hard and laughed with me about the silly things in life. Most of all he was a God-fearing man. He sought God above all else. When doctors had no answers he encouraged me to seek after God.  “God is good,” was our saying. When things were good or hard, God was always good. And to this day I can say that God is good.

About a year into my sickness, Stephen wanted to propose. He was willing to take me through the good and bad. He took me on a walk on our one year anniversary of dating. He told me he wanted to ask me a very important question but couldn’t. You see he wanted to talk to my dad and was going to do that in person. Yet, he had to wait a month in order to have that talk. Stephen the romantic wanted to propose on our one year though. So he told me his dilemma without asking me to marry him. I looked at him, smiled and told him that I was going to say yes no matter what. He smiled, hugged me and we continued on our walk.

A few weeks later Stephen and I went on a drive. I didn’t feel good that day but I loved being with Stephen so there was no stopping me. It was a beautiful night and we had a lovely talk about the future God had for us. As the date ended, Stephen and I prayed together about the blessings in our life and the worries on our minds. The last thing Stephen said to me that night was, “I love you.” And I responded the same.

Three hours later I got a phone call from one of Stephen’s best friends. After saying goodnight Stephen had headed to play basketball with his friends. After a few games of 3 on 3 Stephen stepped out to take a break and get a drink of water. As Stephen’s friends went to check on him they found him on the ground. They called an ambulance but nothing could change the timing that God had planned. Stephen Reynolds was taken to Heaven that April evening.

I sat in the ER late that night hoping that Stephen would be alright. Oddly, he was, just a different kind of alright. As Heaven welcomed Stephen we all grieved the loss of a good man who feared God.

 I cried that whole night saying to myself, “God’s plan is better than mine. Lord help my unbelief.”

 I know most people would be angry with God, but I wasn’t. How could I be? Yes, I had been sick for a year and my fiancé had just died but how was God not good. He was still taking care of me through it all. Isn’t that a good God? That previous year I had been learning about God’s plan for my life. Even wondering if being sick was a good thing. I found out that being sick was the best thing that could have happened to me because it brought me into a closer relationship with God. Although I never wanted Stephen to die, through his death and in my grief these past two years, I have seen my relationship with God deepen.  

My family and friends that have been with me through it all are a huge blessing as well. My family is very supportive and I don’t know what I’d do without them. As for my friends, you know a true friend when they stick with you through a sickness and death of a loved one! I hope everyone has friends like I do.

I see God so differently now. He is holy, sovereign and worthy of praise. Without God I wouldn’t have been able to handle all that came my way. Without God I wouldn’t feel blessed. But I am blessed and have much to be thankful for!

The story doesn’t end there and I have so much to tell you about the sovereignty of God, but I have written enough for today.

 I wish to end with this: God was good, is good, and will always be good.

No matter what you have gone through God loves you and has a great plan for your life.

Because God is good especially when we don’t see it!

A story of God's goodness: DIE TO SELF

A story of God's goodness: DIE TO SELF: You’ve heard the phrase “die to self” right? Maybe you haven’t heard those exact words but you have heard of the word “selfish.”Humans ...

DIE TO SELF

You’ve heard the phrase “die to self” right? Maybe you haven’t heard those exact words but you have heard of the word “selfish.”Humans are covered with selfishness. Oh, I believe there are some honorable people who put others first. All people, though, struggle with selfishness. We look out for the good of ourselves. Some show selfishness better than others. You know those people; the ones that always eat the last piece of pie/cake without asking if someone would like to share it, the ones that always have to be first, the ones that never say thank you because they think they deserve everything. I could go on but I think you get my meaning. We ALL struggle with being selfish. In America, especially, it is hard not to be selfish. We are given much and do not want to give back. It is difficult not to be selfish.

Recently, I’ve been reading many books (Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman, Hard to Believe by John MacArthur, and Don’t Waste Your Life by John Piper.) that talk about dying to self. If the opposite of dying to self is living for self than how many people do you know that do the first rather than latter? Why do you think it is so hard to be selfless? I mean, really, why do you think you are selfish?  

In my readings and findings of dying to self, the passage of scripture that keeps being quoted is Luke 9:23 which says,

“And he [Jesus Christ] said to all, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.’”

The Bible says, that God loves all people (John 3:16). All people have sinned (Romans 3:23). That Jesus died for all (Romans 5:8). If you repent and put your faith in God you receive eternal life (Romans 6:23). If you choose to follow Christ you will have to deny yourself daily and follow God (Luke 9:23).

Daily die to self.

Many people today have been dying for their faith. They believe that a relationship with Jesus Christ is worth more than their selfish needs and wants.

So I wonder and ask you. Do you seek to die to yourself DAILY!?

I ask myself the same thing. Many times I find myself living for self rather than dying to self.

I have a story about dying to self. I’m not saying I daily die to self, but I have a story of how God has humbled my life by dying to self and seek him daily. I think loss does that to a person. It is what brings me closer to my good God. It is why I write and share with you. Through my life God has been glorified. I do not cling to my loss, but I seek to share about it for I have seen the God I believe in hold me, comfort me, humble me and bring me closer to Him!

May we all seek to die daily to self!

God is good!

Welcome to my blog! Everyone has a story to share. I felt like it was time to share with you my travels in life and boast in God’s goodness. The only reason I write is to share the glory of God revealed in my life. I do not write to brag on my amazing life, I write to boast in my Lord and Savior!

Why is my life so amazing? Because I am very blessed. Yes, that does sum up amazing for you. I have been blessed by God, his people, and many many things created by God.

I have no idea where the saying “God is good” came from. Someone had to be the first to say it. Now all over the world you hear people saying, “God is good.”

 I first started to say, “God is good,” and understand the meaning when my life flashed before my eyes. I had almost taken my last breathe on earth but God gave be the air that I needed. God was good. Then I became very ill with an unknown illness. I struggled to find God’s goodness. Although many times my eyes were blind to see, God’s goodness surrounded me like an ocean of waves. When I began to see his goodness in every aspect of my life, my fiancé suddenly died of a heart attack. It was his time to go home. When I questioned God’s goodness, I felt the love of God even stronger. Why? Because God was good, is good, and will always be good.

Today marks a special day in my life. Today is Stephen Reynolds second birthday in Heaven. (Stephen Reynolds – my fiancé.) Today is a day to remember God’s goodness. Today is the day that I start this blog and boast in my good God.

I have many things to share with you. But today, today is a time that I will sit back and just remember. I will remember Him who saved me, I will remember why I choose to live my life for God, I will remember Steve Reynolds and the life he lived to honor God, I will sit and remember how blessed I am, and I will sit and remember God’s goodness.

God bless you who read! I hope that you see God’s goodness in your life today.

Much love,

Katie P