For the past month I have been missing Stephen. So many good
memories run through my mind as I think about our friendship and love. I find
myself missing his hearty charming laugh that rang loud for all to hear. I miss
putting my small hand in his large one. I miss romantic dates and always having
somebody to go places with. Recently, most of all, I have missed our talks.
Maybe you know the kind of talks I’m talking about. The ones
where he challenged me to be more like Jesus when I was complaining. Talks
about the things God was pruning and teaching us as a couple. Talks about our
love for people and passion to serve God. Most of all, I miss, the talks that
lasted late into the night, the prayers and the early wake up calls to simply
say, “God is good, have a good day.”
You know Stephen wasn’t just my friend, he wasn’t just my
fiancé, he was also my caretaker along with two of my best friends from
college. Stephen carried me to doctor appointments. He prayed for me during
those visit. He fed me. He did so much for me. And sometimes I wish he were
still alive to see the improvements I have made with Christ’s help. Through it
all he was my confident and someone I could always rely upon.
Our talks were good and bad. I loved him and he loved me. I
trusted him and he trusted me. But most of all we never stopped challenging the
other person for the better. I simply just miss my friend.
Although I miss Stephen I know I will see him again. I
always end a thought by smiling because my memories of him are something I will
always cherish! And the saying “God is good” continues to flow out of my mouth
because of God’s goodness.
As for the “bad luck” in my life…
I went to the dentist last week for my yearly cleaning and
exam with the dentist. At the end of my visit the dentist came in to talk to
me. He looked at me and said, “I’m so sorry you’ve had such bad luck.”
Why bad luck?
Flashing back to a year ago
I had a bad tooth while living in Kansas City. It hurt
immensely and so I went to a dentist in K.C. The dentist sent me to a root
canal specialist to get a root canal done. During the procedure the specialist
cracked my tooth unbeknown to either of us. A crown was put on top and I went
on happily for about 6 months. Christmas time is when my tooth started hurting
and my gums around it started to get swollen. I moved back to South Dakota and
went to our family dentist. He told me I had to get it pulled. So I got the
root canal tooth pulled and now have to get a bone graph tooth put in. The
dentist and specialist in K.C. won’t admit to any wrong doing. Therefore my
family dentist, who is a good moral man, was telling me that I have “bad luck.”
When the dentist told me of my misfortune and bad luck, I
thought to myself, I better not tell him
about living in a moldy apartment and it causing all my major health problems.
I also better not tell him that my fiancé died due to a surprise heart attack.
I looked at the dentist and said, “God’s grace. God’s
provided everything I need.” I smiled as I told the dentist of my gracious God
even if the people around me are not. He looked at me and said, “People like
that in the world should know better and do better!”
As much as I do agree with the dentist that people should
treat others better than themselves it doesn’t happen very often. Good people
and bad people a like act selfishly in order to profit themselves instead of
help someone they may have hurt. The Bible even speaks of this. (James 4:17,
Romans 7:15-22, 1 Timothy 6:10, John 3:19-21 and Colossians 3:17 for a few
examples.) In all these verses they tell us to do good, to love others, and to
follow Gods direction. It is easy for all people to be found selfish at some
point in their life.
How are we to respond? How am I to respond?
GRACE AND LOVE WITH A BIT OF HUMILITY
Don’t get me wrong there are days where I wake up and just
ask God why? Why is it so hard for us humans to own up to our mistakes? Why is
it so hard to admit we were wrong? And most of all why is it so hard to say,
“I’M SORRY”?
Because we live in a sinful selfish world. Over and over
again Jesus tells us to give up all we have and follow Him. He doesn’t say believe
in me and keep your selfishness. NO WAY! He tells us to admit we need Him,
repent of all our sin including selfishness, and follow Him! Even those who do
believe and follow God, daily mess up and have to ask for forgiveness.
So where does that leave me and my thoughts on family,
friendships, spiritual leaders, doctors, and even the bad luck dentist in KC
who have sinned against me in selfishness? You know who I’m talking about? The people
in your life who have hurt you and wronged you. What are you to say to them?
Can you really say, “I forgive you”? Can you really say, “I
love you”?
It’s ok if you can’t right now. It has taken me awhile to
forgive certain individuals in my life. But I truly hope that you can learn to
forgive and love those who have done you wrong. I hope that you are willing to
be humbled by the Lord to show grace to those who don’t deserve it.
As for me, if I ever talk to the dentist of K.C. again I
wish to show them grace. The same way that Jesus showed me grace when he died for
my sins. I hope to tell them I forgive them. Even if I never hear an “I’m
sorry” I hope and pray I will keep grace and love flowing through me.
I don’t believe in bad luck.
Through all my circumstances in life in the past three
years, God has been good. Through my illness, through Stephen’s death, and
through this tooth that will cost me $5,000, God is good. I believe that
through hardships my faith grows even stronger. So like Paul, (2 Corinthians
10) if I am to boast about anything, it will be about the things God has taught
me through my hardships!
Much love to all who read!
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