WANDER IN WONDER

I thought it was about time I shared one of my spoken words with you. I don't have a video of myself, so you will have to make do just reading my poem. Enjoy and keep on striving after the King!

Wander in Wonder

My thoughts have overtaken me, 

I begin to wonder. 

I wander in my wonder.

I even ponder in my plundered mind.

The thoughts keep rolling, the emotions are overpowering.

Some days I sit and think, and then I cry.

I cry because I remember the good times of the past, 

I cry because I live life in physical pain, 

I cry because I am humbled.

This is my life now and it's ok.

I remember a time when life was "good," 

I would run around, do anything I wanted, and explore the world,

Happy to do anything I could.

A time came when reality checked in my life,

Then came the four letter word, LOSS.

Losses came into my life like tumbleweed, it rolled around and around whichever way it pleased.

At first I didn't think I had asked for it, but honestly, I did!

And on the hardest of days of loss, I asked the Lord to take it away.

But He said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness."

Humbled again and again I would come to the cross, thankful for my losses because I knew,

This was making me striving after the King!

So, I ponder, I ponder in my plundered emotions that are so overpowering,

I wander in my wonder too.

I ask the Lord so many questions, questions that only He can give an answer too.

Every day I sit in awe of God...wondering, pondering, thinking, wanting to know more of God.

I tear up wondering, "Will the pain ever go away?"

Then I ponder, "If the pain went away, would I be as hungry for God as I am?"

I then think, "I really don't have an answer, but I am content with where God has me."

Because as I wonder in my wander,

And I ponder in my pondered mind, 

I think, "I am loved, I have the joy of the Lord, and He is my strength!"

SPIRITUAL WARFARE

Spiritual warfare is something we do not usually think about. I mean, when something goes wrong you usually find yourself playing the "blame game" not thinking your in a spiritual war.

Now don't roll your eyes, I'm serious!

Satan is out their! The bible says that Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy. (John 10:10) This is exactly what he does!

But...we don't really think about how Satan tries to get into our life., how he tempts us in the most simple of ways. C.S. Lewis wrote a book called the Screw Tape Letters. The book is written to make you think about Satan and his demons at work in a person's every day life.

Recently, I have been feeling a lot of spiritual warfare. Here are just a few examples of Satan at work in my life. (Maybe you can relate or you may find that you have your own list.)
~he tells me I'm not good enough, not good enough to work a 40 hour job
~he tells me I have no friends, even if I just got done catching up with one
~he tells me I'm worthless, even though Jesus died for me
~he tells me I am not loved, even though God loves me
~he tempts me with distractions when seeking the Lord, so that even if I read my bible I struggle paying attention to what I am reading
~he does all sorts of things to try and make me stray away from God

This past year has had its own challenges. But the one thing that I struggle with the most is being content with where God has me. When I start to feel content, soon after Satan's lies begin to come upon me.

 I have learned a lot about myself from being ill.

I love people and I love serving people. Before I got sick I was like the energizer bunny who never stopped loving and serving. From community service projects to spending time with people I loved it all. But over the past three years I have had to step away from "going, going, going" and instead started to just "being."

What do I mean by "being?" I learned that being and doing are two different things, yet both important. Instead of cleaning peoples houses I started being a faithful prayer warrior. Instead of outings with people, I started "being" an encouragement through letter writing.

Satan has his ways and I struggle to find hope and joy in my circumstances. The past year I have struggled with an intense pain that goes throughout my entire body. Looking at me you would never know. I have a smile on my face and I push myself to do things even if it hurts. If I don't think about the pain is not so bad. For the past year I have woken up and decided to think of good things. "God is good," I wake up saying. Even if it's as simple as saying, thank you God for a soft bed and a heated house, I find something to give me positive thinking. Because in the midst of a trial, I find myself wanting to complain. But I'm learning, to count those blessings instead of complain.

I was talking with my dear friend Carolyn recently and she asked me how I was feeling. I told her that the pain has been worse recently. Carolyn's response was, "Do you think it is spiritual warfare?"

Up to that point I had not thought about my recent pain being in the battle lines of Satan. I have always viewed my illness as a gift from God that humbles me and teaches me. I find that I easily forget about the spiritual battle between Satan and God. I forget Satan is doing everything in his power to destroy me.

Since my conversation with Carolyn, I've been thinking a lot about spiritual warfare and how to fight back! I have also talked to two other friends who have made comments of spiritual warfare in their lives as well.

That battle is real!

I wonder now, if this pain is really of Satan, what am I going to do about it? If my feeling worthless is caused from Satan's lies what do I do?

I fight! I fight and seek the scriptures for truth!

I will praise Jesus through pain, toil, or death!
I will find worth in my Lord Jesus Christ!
I will fight the good fight in order to glorify God and share the good news.

If you are feeling spiritual warfare attacks, don't give up and fight back with the truths of scripture!

Satan is real.
God is real.
Yet God is more powerful!