The Beginning of my Story

I believe that three simple words can sum up my life. But will you really understand the meaning to my life? Maybe that’s only between me and the Lord. But, let me start out by writing those three simple words: God is good!

Looking back, growing up, I took everything for granted; my good health, the people around me, my jobs. I expected to be married by 22. I thought I would never get sick besides colds and the occasional stomach bug. I thought my best friend in high school would stay my best friend. I thought I would always have a job to provide for my needs. Even a few years ago, three to be exact, I still took the life I lived for granted.

Something changed though three years ago.

It was God and I give Him all the glory. Because without Him, I wouldn’t see the way I see now.

Three years ago, the things I took for granted slowly started to turn upside down… let me start at the beginning.  

I was sitting on my hand-me-down couch in my apartment. It was night time and humidity hung in the air. As I sat, I started to find it hard to breathe and the humidity that hung in the air did not seem to help my case. I took a drink of water hoping that I’d feel better, only to see that it did not work. Grabbing for my asthma medicine, I took a whiff of the inhaler. Even the inhaler didn’t seem to help. Fresh air should help, was my next great thought. I took a step outside to find that I was mistaken. As I walked back inside I felt the air start to lessen. Oh Lord help me, was my next thought and cry. I made my way to lie down on the couch and as I laid my head on a soft pillow the air continued to slow within my chest. I sent out a few texts to some friends who were EMT’s asking for their wisdom in the matter. They all responded to call an ambulance. I was stubborn and thought this feeling would pass, therefore not calling for help. I then remember becoming unconscious and talking to God. He told me that I had 5 minutes to live. That seemed to scare me and I asked for more time. Last thing I remember is God saying he had everything in control.

During those 5 minutes an ambulance arrived. I went through many oxygen tanks before we even headed for the hospital. As oxygen soared within me at the hospital I started to regain consciousness. A doctor came in. Said a few things then left. Then a nurse came in and asked if I had been around mold. I told her that there was lots of black mold climbing the walls of my apartment bathroom and sink. I had thought nothing of it because mold is everywhere. Although the apartment wasn’t the nicest I didn’t think it would bother me. I was then told to move out of the apartment.

Thus, it started a long list of health problems that I have to this day.

The story doesn’t end here...

This story would not be such a blessing from God if I didn’t talk about one man…his name is Steve.

Steve Reynolds the man I dated through it all. He was kind, caring, passionate about serving and loving me, and took me to many doctors appointments. He cried with me when things were hard and laughed with me about the silly things in life. Most of all he was a God-fearing man. He sought God above all else. When doctors had no answers he encouraged me to seek after God.  “God is good,” was our saying. When things were good or hard, God was always good. And to this day I can say that God is good.

About a year into my sickness, Stephen wanted to propose. He was willing to take me through the good and bad. He took me on a walk on our one year anniversary of dating. He told me he wanted to ask me a very important question but couldn’t. You see he wanted to talk to my dad and was going to do that in person. Yet, he had to wait a month in order to have that talk. Stephen the romantic wanted to propose on our one year though. So he told me his dilemma without asking me to marry him. I looked at him, smiled and told him that I was going to say yes no matter what. He smiled, hugged me and we continued on our walk.

A few weeks later Stephen and I went on a drive. I didn’t feel good that day but I loved being with Stephen so there was no stopping me. It was a beautiful night and we had a lovely talk about the future God had for us. As the date ended, Stephen and I prayed together about the blessings in our life and the worries on our minds. The last thing Stephen said to me that night was, “I love you.” And I responded the same.

Three hours later I got a phone call from one of Stephen’s best friends. After saying goodnight Stephen had headed to play basketball with his friends. After a few games of 3 on 3 Stephen stepped out to take a break and get a drink of water. As Stephen’s friends went to check on him they found him on the ground. They called an ambulance but nothing could change the timing that God had planned. Stephen Reynolds was taken to Heaven that April evening.

I sat in the ER late that night hoping that Stephen would be alright. Oddly, he was, just a different kind of alright. As Heaven welcomed Stephen we all grieved the loss of a good man who feared God.

 I cried that whole night saying to myself, “God’s plan is better than mine. Lord help my unbelief.”

 I know most people would be angry with God, but I wasn’t. How could I be? Yes, I had been sick for a year and my fiancé had just died but how was God not good. He was still taking care of me through it all. Isn’t that a good God? That previous year I had been learning about God’s plan for my life. Even wondering if being sick was a good thing. I found out that being sick was the best thing that could have happened to me because it brought me into a closer relationship with God. Although I never wanted Stephen to die, through his death and in my grief these past two years, I have seen my relationship with God deepen.  

My family and friends that have been with me through it all are a huge blessing as well. My family is very supportive and I don’t know what I’d do without them. As for my friends, you know a true friend when they stick with you through a sickness and death of a loved one! I hope everyone has friends like I do.

I see God so differently now. He is holy, sovereign and worthy of praise. Without God I wouldn’t have been able to handle all that came my way. Without God I wouldn’t feel blessed. But I am blessed and have much to be thankful for!

The story doesn’t end there and I have so much to tell you about the sovereignty of God, but I have written enough for today.

 I wish to end with this: God was good, is good, and will always be good.

No matter what you have gone through God loves you and has a great plan for your life.

Because God is good especially when we don’t see it!