When I moved back to South Dakota a year and a half ago I
didn’t know what to expect. I was thankful to move back in with my parents so
that they could take care of me. I was thankful to be in the beautiful state of
South Dakota that makes me proud to have grown up here. I was thankful to
reconnect with my South Dakota family and friends. I was thankful to be near my
dog. I was thankful to have my garden back. There were so many things I was
thankful for.
But…
And yes, I did have to add that conjunction. I needed to say
“except.”
Because I simply didn’t want to move back to South Dakota. I
didn’t want to move away from the Reynolds and my friends in KC. This place I
found to call home, that had city and country within a short drive. The place I
loved and had to leave, where I learned so many life lessons, a place I truly
became an adult, where I always had new places to explore, and the city that I
made so many friends in. I hated to say goodbye.
I was thankful to move back to South Dakota for many
reasons. I simply was tired and needed to go “home”. But I didn’t want to leave,
to say goodbye to so many things.
Now hear me out, I understand that moving is a part of life
and I do love a good adventure, God truly knows that about me. And God knew I
could handle everything that he has put in my path. I am grateful to have such
a loving Heavenly Father. Yet…
South Dakota just wasn’t appealing to me in many areas in
life. They weren’t bad, but they have been a struggle. And I have found myself
complaining to God quite a bit in this past year and a half.
First, I knew moving in with my parents would take away part
of my adulating lifestyle. I would be their “little Katie” again, living under
their roof, following their rules, submitting to let them “parent me” telling
me what to do, tagging along to things they were going to. I never dreamed I
would need my parents to take care of me like I was a little child, yet I did. It’s
been hard and I’ve had to stand my ground on some areas of adulating and say, “please
let me do this I don’t want to be enabled.” Yet, other areas of my life I
really have needed my parents, to drive me places on days when I was unable, to
sit with me when I was sad or lonely, to do things for me like make my meals,
do my laundry, and help with paperwork on days I was unable. It’s been a
struggle but I wouldn’t change a thing. Even on the hard days I’m thankful that God
has me hear in this season.
Second, I never imagined I’d be back in this Community
again. I will always love our Ranch but never dreamed I’d be back here to live
again. I never thought I’d be building relationships with my Tolstoy church family
again. I never dreamed I would be working in my home town. I just never thought
this is where God would bring me back to, ever. But I have been so blessed, so encouraged
by the community that surrounds me and I realize how thankful I am God has me here in this season.
Third, I didn’t know how well I had it in the city when it
came to singleness. No one ever gave me a hard time about being single in the
city. After everything that’s happened to me and all God has brought me though
and taught me, I didn’t know how hard it would be to fight for singleness in my
South Dakota community. Now don’t get me wrong, I want to date and get married
one day, if that’s God’s plan. But honestly the thought of dating brings up
many feelings for me. I don’t know if saying “I’ve been traumatized by dating”
is the correct wording for me but it is something close. So, when I move to
South Dakota where we have more cattle than people, I never thought so many
people would give me a hard time about singleness. I understand that most
married and dating people feel bad for the singles out there. But I never
wanted anyone to feel bad for me. I never wanted anyone to give me a hard time
about my singleness. I simply wanted people to love me, encourage me, and be ok
with however my life turned out, single or married. When I tell people that if
I date, it would only be when I’m ready and God brings someone into my life, no
one seemed to understand and I’ve had to stand my ground telling people to stop
giving me a hard time, that dating is a hard subject for me to process through.
But through all the hard times, through all the trauma/grief processing God
leads me through about dating, I know I am loved by a vast number of people who
only want the best for me. As God continues to heal my heart in this area of
life, I am thankful and I realize how blessed I am by God in this season of life.
Fourth, when Stephen died my mentor told me that God had big
plans. That what God brought me through was something He was going to use to
open doors for me to tell people about Him. Yes, I’m still in the process of
publishing my book on God’s goodness. But I’m talking about something
different. Since Stephens death God has placed me in so many people’s paths
that have encountered the loss of a loved one. And each time He places someone
into my life I think, “maybe just maybe, quite possibly God knew this all
along.” In fact, I believe He did. God blessed me with going through
traumatizing losses to be able to love and encourage other people that have
gone through loss. Now that I think about it, there have been at least 10
deaths in the past 2 years of people I know that have lost a loved one. And
although I never thought this would be my life, I realize how special it is. Not
to talk to people about DEATH, but to share about LIFE and how good God is.
Lastly, I never knew how hard it would be to move back to
South Dakota and not have close friendships here. What I went through, what my
friends went through with me in KC brought us close very close and we became
family through it all. So, when I moved back to South Dakota where I had some
friends yes, but we were not as close anymore, it was hard to move back and not
have that closeness of friendships. Yet, God has brought friends into my life
to be close with here in South Dakota. And I’m very thankful for the friends I can hang with,
laugh with and be encouraged by. I find myself very thankful, very blessed in
this season of life God has brought me to.
I wouldn’t change a thing. Even on those days I really
grumbled it out with God saying “life isn’t the way I wanted it to be,” and “this
isn’t easy Lord,” I would find myself still waking up every morning to say, “Thank
you Lord, thank you for where I’m at.” The joy of the Lord is in my heart even
on the bad days, because I know even when the tears are streaming down my face
that God is good and that his plan is great! People ask my why I’m so
happy if I’m in so much pain, honestly it’s because I see life differently,
that pain, trials, and tears bring me as much joy as someone who won a million
dollars. For to me, there is a time for everything and in each season I learn
more about who I am and who God has created me to be. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 says
there is a season for everything. And I believe that in each season we can find
joy. Whether people are dying (as is the case for our community this year) or people are tired from all their toils. Whether crying or
laughing. Whether at peace or at war. There is a time for everything and there
is joy in the good and bad.
As I look back and think about this past year and a half of
South Dakota living. I am grateful. As a human being I may always have my days
of complaining and not wanting change, but I wouldn’t change a thing God has
done in my life. God continues to teach me things, to give me this view of life
that most people don’t have -that it’s ok to let Him create a new norm for your
life. With each season I hope to become even more grateful. To hopefully stop
some of that grumbling and instead embrace the changes and work towards a
passionate lifestyle praising God no matter what may come.
I didn’t mean to ramble. I
guess there was a lot on my heart to share with what God is doing in my life. The
life of a gal that sees God’s goodness in her everyday life.
Love you all!
Go be thankful in this holiday season!
