HUMILIATED

Humiliated by so many things that I don’t have an answer to.

What I once used to enjoy speaking about I have found to dislike.

What I once used to boast upon, I now keep silent.

What I once used to laugh about I now shed tears.

What is this thing? LIFE. I have allowed fears to overpower me and I have become “humiliated by what people say about my own life.”

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I still enjoy telling people about God’s goodness. I still enjoy nature and the life God has given me. I still enjoy laughing at things.

But when it comes to telling people about my life, and the joys and sorrows I have been through, I have started to feel humiliated.

Why?

Because when people find out that I don’t have a job with my degree, a husband or children, and so much more. I get humiliated. Humiliated by people that tell me that I should be doing “better” than what I am.

And so, I have found that instead of speaking, boasting and laughing about the life God has given me, I have found I hide, change the subject, or keep silent when around people who are full of questions.

I really struggle when I meet new people or old acquaintances. The questions that pop out seem like a drill sergeant telling me to fall in line. That my life is too confusing for them to accept and so therefore it’s too different for them to comprehend.

Questions are asked that I cannot answer except to say, “This is where God wants me.” But for some people that’s not enough to stop their questions. And then I become even more humiliated because what people “wish” for my life is not what God has planned. Although I am content with God’s plan for my life and where God has me, I find it constantly hard to tell people.

Why?

 Because having a “God” answer isn’t enough for most people.

And so I struggle. To find a way to boast in God’s goodness when people don’t understand God’s love, plan, or purpose for their own lives. I become humiliated for people because they are so utterly clueless to why they need a close relationship with God.

Life and boasting in God’s goodness is not always easy.

I’ve come to realize how few people I come into contact each day know how to boast in the Lord.

And when I think about it, maybe I never really knew what it meant to boast in my pain and joy until I asked God to humble me. (Which was 4 years ago). So I realized that I’ve had to learn how to boast in God. To boast in His goodness. I realize also that what people think and say shouldn’t bother me, or at least I shouldn’t let it get to me. Because I know God has me here at this spot for no other reason than to know Him better and to boast in His goodness.

So although the past two months I have struggled with feeling humiliated with what people have to say, I know Gods truth. Which is that no matter what people think, God’s say is true, good, loving, just, and perfect. (I feel like making a hashtag tshirt saying #IamachildofGodandIshouldn’tbehumiliatedbywhatpeoplesay). Haha.

Life isn’t about family, money, things, technology, sports, food and so on. Life is about a relationship with Jesus Christ. And not one of us should feel humiliated for living out our faith.

Maybe you have your own humiliation story of life. But remember, as I try to on the hard days, what God has brought us through is way better than what people think of us.

God is good,

I love you all,

Be blessed,

And go out and boast in God’s goodness!